His sense of
humour was impeccable and the timing of his one-liners could not have been more
apt. We had a series of conversations over phone. Each conversation made me
feel more connected with him. He had a sarcastic attitude towards life. I quite
liked that, he usually mocked at my conversations. It made me laugh instead of
getting offended. My parents were not happy with me talking to a Punjabi guy.
But, by now my dad knew that it is difficult to find guys in my community. He
simply refused to acknowledge it.
My relationship with Vikram took a logical turn. We decided to meet for coffee after work in a
suburban mall. It was planned impromptu because he was supposed to take off on
a trip to Spain the other day. “Wow”, I exclaimed when he revealed his vacation
plans to me. Images of Hrithik Roshan driving in Spain with his buddies flashed
in my mind. I smiled to myself and looked forward to our meeting. I took extra
efforts to dress that morning in charcoal grey well fitted trousers and pink
sleeveless tunic. I added some oomph factor by slipping on a pair of black high
heeled sandals. I glanced at the mirror and saw an elegant and stylish lady.
I reached
the mall at 7.30 pm and he arrived five minutes later. To my surprise he was not good
looking. He had a narrow build, small and squeaky eyes, was dressed in a pair
of denims and a casual blue shirt with a pair of slippers. We settled ourselves
on a comfy sofa in the coffee shop. We had some casual conversations about our
work day, our bosses and the burgeoning mall culture in India. He offered to
get coffee for us. My mind was flooded with past experiences of meeting guys. I
brushed them aside and glanced at Vikram. He smiled at me and my lips curved in
a smile.
What
followed was a series of conversations over 3 cups of coffee. The conversation
just flowed naturally between us. We spoke about anything and everything under
the sun- movies, dates, relationships, personalities, families, corporate life.
I was completely absorbed in this experience. I was enjoying every bit of it.
At some point of time, I felt sexually attracted towards him. I tried to ignore
the tension but it only grew stronger with each passing moment. None of us
bothered to care about the passing hours. I lost track of the people around us.
All I could see was him and all I could hear was us. I was laughing or smiling
at every remark of his.
He was the
first one to be jolted back to reality. He looked around and saw the staff
cleaning and folding tables. Perhaps they sensed our chemistry and granted
extra time to us. He led my gaze towards our surroundings and I shared his
embarrassment. It was 10.45 pm. I hastily looked at my phone to check if my
mother had called. My phone did not display any notifications and I smiled and
thanked God for gifting me with a supportive Mom. I must tell you that Moms are darlings. They
may not voice their support for your desires or ambitions. But, they secretly
and indirectly support you. My mom wanted me to be happy and that is all she
cared about.
There was a
moment of awkward silence as we looked at each other thinking what to do next.
I stood up and picked up my bag and he followed me. We stepped on the escalator
going down. The mall was largely empty. I was standing one step below Vikram
with my body titled towards him and looking at him sideways. I had a strong
urge to hug him and kiss him. This feeling had been dormant for a long time. I
wanted him to grab my arms and sneak me into a corner to make out. “Is this a
two-sided feeling?” is a question which is still unanswered.
He hailed a
rickshaw for me outside the mall. I wanted him to stay and talk to me. With
great efforts, I managed to say, “Have fun and enjoy your vacations, Bye”. He
smiled and said “You take care”. I popped my head out of the rickshaw and said
“Let’s talk once you are back”. Before I could see or hear his reaction, my
rickshaw propelled like a rocket on the empty patch of road before joining the
mainstream traffic.
My mind was
racing with thoughts...
“How could I
feel sexually attracted?”
“Is it
right?”
“Would my
date have ended differently if I was in US not in India?”
“Is sexual
attraction a good reason to get married?”
“Can I go
home and mark Vikram’s row as green in my tracker?”
“Will he
remember me in Spain?”
I received a
text from him the other day saying “It was nice meeting you, but I don’t think
we are good for each other”. I wanted to stay connected with him but was not
confident enough to express my desire.
To this
date, his thoughts bring a smile to my face. I don’t know how he feels about
the experience, does he remember me? I have his number on my phone but can’t
gather enough courage to call/message him.
Vikram, if you are
reading this blog and still remember me, please call me. I will love to catch
up with you again in the same coffee shop.
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